The One Thing I Can't Change


Hello beautiful people!!

Have you ever been really stressed about something or anxious about an exam or something? Well, imagine having that 24/7. Yes, I have hidden it on here for almost a year that I ‘suffer’ from the horrid thing called anxiety. It’s not fun, it’s not a thing that I can control and it’s most definitely my choice to have it. The reason I am sharing this is because I thought that if I shared my experiences it could help someone else who is going through the same thing.

How it started…
This ‘thing’ that I have started around late 2015. I didn’t tell my parents at first because I thought that it was just a faze. But it wasn’t and eventually I had to tell my parents. When I did, it felt like a huge weight had lifted off my shoulders. Even if they didn't believe me at first at least it was out there.

A year and a half later, I have realised that it started to control my life. When I was particularly anxious, I mad bad decisions and that came backs to bite. This could be with school, family and especially friends. I had to go through a massive ‘talk’ with a 'friend' who I helped and supported last year, with her saying that ‘me’ apologising wasn't okay anymore. This mad me feel sick and I didn't know what to do because that was all I COULD do. I get that going to a new school changes people but to say that saying ‘sorry’ isn’t okay, just hurts. I eventually had to shut that friendship down because she wasn't understanding enough to realise that I couldn't control my thoughts as well as a normal person.

Learn from my mistakes…

First thing to learn from my mistake is that if you think you have anxiety or any other type of mental illness then most definitely tell someone. Even if it isn’t your parents at first, tell a close friend, big sister or someone that you trust. Don’t just let it build and build until it can actually effect your heath or family life. I think that being open with the people you love and trust is one of the best things for you if you just find you have a mental illness like anxiety. I wasn't honest with my family or friends for a good month until I told someone and I think that played a big role in me not getting help or the love I needed at that point in time. I have gone through so many friendships that went down in flames because of this (other things had an impact too) and I think that if you are in a friendship with someone who doesn't understand or doesn't want to understand then that friendship is not worth it.

Me Now
Now, a year and a half on from the initial realisation that I had anxiety, I have much more control over it. Yes, I have panic attacks and yes they suck but I have to come to terms with it. I have a close friend who has anxiety as well and we have become so much closer because we know how to help each other when either of us aren't ok.

I hope that this has help someone, even if it helps one person, I'd rather that then it not help anyone at all. If you do have anxiety or have any questions or both, let me know in the comments or by email at
I hope your having an amazing 2017 and I'll see you soon!

Searbella xxx

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  1. Baby girl I'm glad you have shared this with your readers I find blogging so therapeutic and I'm sure this is a MASSIVE but great step to come out ur shell. I don't really suffer from anxiety but I get pretty shaky and nervous and over think stuff especially now in my last trimester of my pregnancy I ve been so emotional and worrying about the stupidest things. I hope everything works out for you beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing this with us! Happy New Year to you and your family!! Dominica from London, xXx